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This article contains major spoilers for Captain America: Brave New World.

There were parts of Captain America: Brave New World that I liked. The action was dependably fun, Anthony Mackie and Harrison Ford seemed to be having a good time, and well, Sebastian Stan's in it (told you about those spoilers). But one thing that really took me out of it was that the film's villains (of which there are many) were at best flat, at worst outright confusing. 

So if you'll indulge me, I'm going to break down those villains and the problems I had with them. Just be aware that this is not a review of the whole film, just its weakest bits, so if you feel like I'm being entirely negative... I am. Elsewhere, I'm sure I'll be able to write a piece about what I really liked (oh who am I kidding? It's awaiting publication now), just know that this is not that piece.

Now, let's talk about some baddies who were, well, bad.

Captain America: Brave New World Villain #1: SERPENTS are elite mercenaries who share secrets

Let's begin with the SERPENTS, led by the criminally underused Rosa Salazar, Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson, and Giancarlo Esposito. In the MCU, the SERPENTS are a band of expensive mercenaries who, nevertheless, decide to spend their first mission in the movie, which is a heist, lining up a group of nuns and priests for execution. Not only is this some painful over-explaining to the audience (just give them shirts that say "bad guy," Feige), but it also literally slows them down. To the point, in fact, that Captain America is able to catch up with them and, in a fight scene that was undoubtedly fun, defeat them handily.

But what's really insane is what happens after they fail their first mission. Again, these are elite mercenaries that the MCU's underworld utilizes for its most dastardly, covert operations. So imagine my surprise when their leader Sidewinder (Esposito) spends most of the movie telling Captain America who hired them. 

The second time this happens, Sidewinder is technically bargaining for better treatment under his imprisonment, so I suppose there's some leeway there. But the first time he tells Cap all about the true mastermind of this movie (Villain #3)? He's free as a bird, trading barbs while hunting ol' Sam Wilson through a junkyard. 

"You just can't find good help these days," is putting it mildly.

Captain America: Brave New World Villain #2: Thaddeus Ross is a war criminal, but sorry about that

Most of the problems these characters experience in this movie are because of Villain #3, just below, but the second biggest problem they've got to deal with is the sheer stubbornness of Thaddeus Ross. And it would be different if the man were some harmless old uncle, droning on about people with differently colored hair at the Thanksgiving table, but the man is President, and lets his ego influence decisions over people's very lives. 

Now, I'm not complaining about all that. That's a well-written villain that is *ahem* pretty relatable to the real world. What upset me about Ross was that, at the end, he does a complete 180, repenting for his crimes in an off-camera moment that's only mentioned later. In this movie, we see him leave an innocent man on Death Row because Ross didn't want a secret to get out, nearly cause an all-out war with Japan, and put citizens lives at stake by refusing to seek help for the Red Hulkism that the film seems to say he know he has. And he decides to undo all that after just one Hulk-out?

Don't get me wrong, I love a redemption arc, but it needs to be just that: an arc. One that starts, ascends, and comes back down. What this film gave Thaddeus Ross was a redemption... I don't know, diving board? A redemption cliff? A redemption right angle?

Captain America: Brave New World Villain #3: Samuel Sterns has a PhD in needlessly complicated murder plans

Before I get into this, I want to say: I liked how Tim Blake Nelson played this role and absolutely loved his creepy design (there, see? I did mean it when I liked parts of this movie). If only the script had taken care of him like the FX department had.

A big part of Captain America: Brave New World's plot is that President Ross had been keeping Samuel Sterns locked up since we last saw him in 2008's The Incredible Hulk, without trial and for shady purposes. The movie's second act begins with Sterns breaking out of said prison with the goal of runing Ross's reputation, and the very first wya he tries to accomplish that is by kicking off a war between the United States and Japan, which would, in all fairness, ruin a President's standing in the eyes of his people. Pretty devilish, right? Until you realize that all this unjustly imprisoned victim of a government official had to do is...

Tell people he was an unjustly imprisoned victim of a government official.

Instead, Dr. Sterns goes on an absolute rampage, executing plans whose signature purpose is to kill as many innocent civilians as possible (seriously Feige, "bad guy" shirts). And these are complicated plans too, ones that require mind-control, geopolitics, adamantium, and what one assumes is millions of dollars, all to accomplish what could be achieved in a single email to CNN.

Naturally, all this let-down lecherousness had me thinking as I left theater: why did this movie have such a difficult time pulling off a good villain, especially when it introduced a bevy of them? Well, here's a thought:

At the emotional crux of the movie, when Sam Wilson is at his lowest, he gets a surprise visit from his old pal Bucky Barnes. Bucky, who was just as close if not moreso to the old Captain America, gives Sam a pep talk for the ages, telling him exactly why Steve picked him to wield the shield. It is a tender, genuine moment, to which Sam responds, "Did your speech writer help you with that?", absolutely shredding any moment of empathy the audience might've felt in exchange for one (not great) quip.

So here's my theory: maybe Marvel is struggling to go to places that make us as a culture uncomfortable, like two men sharing an emotional moment. In fact, the saga of the MCU is littered with moments of tenderness, fear, or other serious emotions undercut by a corny joke. Maybe Marvel Studios, impressive in so many other ways, is allergic to making its audience feel the kind of discomfort that art requires. And maybe, if villains are meant to do that, they're the toughest thing for them to pull off?

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired. I've been up all night trying to kick off WWIII; a cashier wouldn't take my coupon.

Captain America: Brave New World is in theaters now. 

Popverse Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Consider this a meta post-credits scene for Marvel fans - the four key articles you need to read next to continue the thrills:

• How to watch the Marvel Cinematic Universe in release or chronological order
• The best Marvel Comics stories of all time
• All the MCU movies ranked from best to worst
• Our weekly Marvel insider's column, Marvel Matters