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• My personal reckoning with Neil Gaiman and his work, and our relationship with celebrities

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Earlier this week, new reporting from Vulture was published regarding sexual assault allegations against noted author Neil Gaiman. While a 2024 report by the relatively newly-launched reporting Tortoise Media gained widespread attention when it was published, the disturbing allegations were hard for many fans of his to process - especially considering the source was relatively unknown to the general public, and that it flew in the face of the widespread perception of Gaiman at the time. But now as more trusted sources have come to light, many of us are processing it again, and deeper. At least, I am.

While many of us didn't know Gaiman personally, fans of his (which I counted myself among) had a rapport with the author built over years of prose novels, short stories, comics, movies, and television shows, as well as his relatively public persona as outlined in various interviews, appearances, as well as social media and blog posts (including a Livejournal, to date myself here). 

"Shocked," said Tori Amos when asked in late 2023 by the Guardian about her initial response to the allegations in 2023. Amos is a long-time public friend and collaborator of Gaiman.

"And if the allegations are true, that’s not the Neil that I knew, that’s not the friend that I knew, nor a friend that I ever want to know. So in some ways it’s a heartbreaking grief. I never saw that side of Neil. Neither did my crew. And my crew has seen a lot."

"I never saw that side of Neil."

That's something we can all relate to. While we all have varying degrees of connection to Gaiman, the sexual assault allegations were compounded with the more recent reporting that some of the reported instances was done in the presence of one of his children. That added detail brings a whole other sense of dread and revulsion, especially for those with children - and even for those like me who don't have children, but have just simple empathy. 

Neil Gaiman was the second author I ever dealt with professionally as a journalist. I was researching a story regarding a 'rumor' (which turned out to be fan speculation) of a specific new project he was working on with Marvel Comics. Using some sleuthing, I obtained his direct contact info and reached out - and surprisingly, he responded within the same day. A series of emails were exchanged, and I found the answers I needed to form the basis of the story.

That was a formative experience for me after becoming a fan of his work in the '90s, and it and further interactions as a journalist didn't refute that. But, as Tori Amos inferred, I didn't know all of Neil - and I certainly knew much less than Amos did. As a fan of someone I can never begin to truly know all the sides of someone; as a journalist, the same also applies. 

In all of this, what it boils down to is a matter of trust: trust given to him by his friends and family, as well as those who work with him, and those who are (or were) fans of his work; even those of us who had professional dealings with Gaiman while also maintaining an appreciation for his work. Even if its a trust Gaiman didn't consciously give to me, it was a trust I bestowed that was later violated. Is the answer to never trust any celebrity again? That may seem drastic, but I'm finding more and more than you can bestow positive feelings on a celebrity figure without trust being among them. 

As I've been prone to saying after previous things like this, just because I'm a fan of someone's work doesn't mean I'd trust them taking care of my cats. That's not that trust has been removed and they're no longer trustworthy to me, but in effect, trust is earned.  

While it may be possible to separate the art from the artist and retain some modicum of enjoyment for Gaiman's work, I have not been able to do that. Through allegations against Warren Ellis, the facts surrounding J.K. Rowling, the flagrant actions of Mel Gibson, and going further back to the deeds of Woody Allen, I find myself giving less and less fucks. While I can admit that their works of which I was a fan of remain 'good' works in my mind, actions like these rob me of my ability to enjoy them, or even find them palatable at all.

I'm not going to tell you how you should feel or if you feel anything at all, but as we all know more about the personal lives of professional celebrities it's important for me to process this on the road to getting to a place be able to still grapple, report, and write on subjects like this - and people allegedly like this - and to be a better communicator.

Forgiveness is a virtue, but for me, I have not found that in cases like this that I can - and I hope I never will. My empathy for the victims far outweighs the empathy for the alleged victimizer, despite the overwhelming appreciation I had for their work.  As I've learned through the years, skills and talent aren't the exclusive domain of 'good' people, and when things like this come to light from public figures, it affects a whole other level of victims in those who were collaborators in their creative work and their fans.

What do I do with my Neil Gaiman books, and how do I engage with future works of theirs - or new adaptations of their works? The quick answer is to put it all in the bin and not to think about it. For me, though, I think its important to find a healthy way to engage and continue to write about things - not avoiding the difficult, but find a way to be able to communicate about it and all the facets of it.

The key thing for me is to keep listening, and take those things in to form decisions that I can think communicate to myself and everyone else. I can't forget what has happened here - and I won't.

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If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available. In the United States, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is available by phone (1-800-656-4673) as well as online at online.rainn.org. For more information on that and other resources, please visit RAINN's helpful website.